Monday, July 26, 2010

Bad Mommy. Bad.

A friend of mine told me not so long ago (when she lovingly brought me dinner shortly after Tucker was born) that it is inevitable that Tucker will one day hurt himself when I have my back turned for a split second. Maybe he would fall off his changing table, maybe he would shut his finger in a door, maybe he would _________ (you fill in the blank). She said I would be hard on myself, taking all the blame, feeling like an awful mommy, but that Tucker would be okay. I have to admit, as I held my newborn baby in my arms listening to her tell me that, I thought, "Nope, not me. Not my baby."

Well, today is that day....

Tucker fell off our bed (a height of about 2 1/2 feet), landing flat on the right side of his little forehead. He was sitting right beside me on the bed. I reached over for something on the other side of me and in that millisecond, he went head first, diving off the bed. It happened so fast that I had no time to react, but somehow it seemed to be happening in slow motion as I watched my Love Bug land hard on the (carpeted) floor with a look like, "What just happened and why does it hurt so bad?!" Of course I swooped him up as fast as I could. He screamed. I cried. I held him close to me saying over and over, "Baby, I'm so sorry! Baby, I'm so sorry!" with guilt-driven tears streaming down my face.

She was right. I felt like the absolute worst mother on the planet. I feel like I failed Tucker. I didn't do my job. I didn't keep him safe. I just feel SO. BAD. (still...)

She was also right that Tucker would be okay. He cried for about 3 minutes, just long enough for the dog dishes to catch his attention as I was carrying him around trying desperately to console him. He has a red bruise on his forehead. No goose egg. I called my pediatrician just to make sure he was going to be okay. He is okay. He has been his usual happy, playful self all day. The redness has subsided somewhat. It helped that my pediatrician told me I am now in a club that about 99.5% of mothers are in.
One of my initial thoughts was, "Wes is going to be so mad at me!" I'm not sure why I even thought that. Of course he was anything but, assuring me that Tucker was okay and that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Actually, his exact text message a couple hours after I got off the phone with him and texted him telling him Tucker and I were going to visit a friend was, "Ok. Be careful and try not to beat yourself up. Tucker is tough! God is good, and merciful! I love you!" Thank you Lord for my amazing husband!

I didn't take a picture of him with his pitiful boo-boo....I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe tomorrow. So instead, here is a picture of my happy Love Bug a few weeks back enjoying his summer.

I hope y'all have had a boo-boo free day!

9 comments:

Rachie (Walker's Mom) said...

Oh, love, the same thing happened to me exactly. I still want to cry when I think about it. You are a AWESOME mommmy and Wes is right, Tucker is a tough dude. Nine months and that's your first accident - you are doing great. And Tucker is just perfect, so the proof is in the pudding:).

Marsh Family said...

Yes, join the club! Try when your toddler falls half way down a set of steps. Talk about guilt. I was right beside her! It's just part of raising kiddos. This was the first but it certainly won't be the last. :) Kiss that little head of his!

Amy McClain said...

Let me chime in here with the others and remind you that a) you're an awesome mother and b) as much as you want to you won't be able to protect your baby from all of the bumps & bruises in life. Besides he'd be a strange sort of boy if he made it to adulthood without a few scratches! Take it easy on yourself.

Jeanne said...

Do NOT feel like a bad mommy! That is the furthest from the truth! It does hurt a bit for those first booboos, but it won't keep hurting so bad. It won't be long and this might be an everyday occurrence (not serious boo-boos of course!) Little boys are naturally rough and tumbling. You don't want a sissy on your hands! SO just get ready with some batman bandaids and coping strategies, you will be fine!!!

melissaballard said...

Tiff, you are one of the best Mommies I know! Seriously. Eli fell off the bed one time (not our bed thankfully) and it didn't even cross my mind to call the pediatrician! See, I'm the bad mommy! Let me confirm what others have said too, and say more boo boos will happen. They will get a bit easier. Non-serious boo boos build character... :)

Stover's site said...

oh gosh - I don't know if I was that mommy who gave you that advice when Tuckie was born, but it could have easily been me. Both my boys took tumbles off the changing pad AND our bed. Yep, two falls for each of them. And yes, I cried each time, but my boys were okay. You are a wonderful mommy and Tucker is very lucky to have you!!!!! No worries - unfortunately, that's one of many boo boos you'll have to console Tucker for. Love you friend!

Mama Perks said...

Shhhhh. Don't tell Daddy Perks what I'm about to tell you. Henry has accomplished the hat trick of falling off the bed. That's right Tiff. Not once, not twice, but THREE times my child has fallen off the bed. The first time was at my mom's, the second time was at a friends' house, and the third time was while we were vacationing in Florida. Wow, I think you're the first person to know it's happened three times in his short little life. And you know what? He's okay :) These experiences are FAR more traumatic for mommys then they are for babies. But on the record-Daddy Perks doesn't know about any of the mishaps...some secrets are okay to keep ;)

Tiffany Magness Keene said...

Thanks y'all for helping to make me feel a little less bad about it! I know Tucker has many more bumps and bruises ahead of him.....but it's still hard when it's my fault ;( Love y'all!!!

Wendy said...

Don't feel bad! Eli fell down our basement steps when he was 10 months old! Now that was traumatic! I think I still have PTSD 10 months later! I took him to the ER and was sure I was going to be investigated for being such a bad mother, but everyone was understanding and had their own boo-boo stories. And amazingly Eli was just fine. God really is good!